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http://www.compassionatefriends.org/precious_child.htm Can you see the change in me? It may not be so obvious to you I participate in family activities. I attend family reunions.. I help plan holiday meals. You tell me you're glad to see that I don't cry anymore. But I do cry! When everyone has gone - when it is safe- the tears fall. I cry in privacy so my family won't worry. I cry until I am exhausted and can finally sleep. You tell me you admire my strength and my positive attitude. But I am not strong, I feel that I have lost control; and I panic when I think about tomorrow.... next week.... next year. I go about the routine of my job. I complete my assigned tasks. I drink coffee and smile. You tell me you are glad to see I'm "over" the death of my loved one. But I'm not "over" it. If I get overit, I will be the same as before my loved one died. I will never be the same. At times I think I am beginning to heal , but the pain of losing someone I loved so much has left a permanent scar on my heart. I visit my neighbors. You tell me that you're glad to see I'm holding up so well. But I'm not holding up well. Sometimes I want to lock the door and hide from the world. I spend time with my friends, I seem calm and collected. I smile when appropriate. You tell me it's good to see me back to my "old self" But I will never be back to my "old self". Death and grief, have touched my life.... and I am changed forever. (special thanks to Selma Flynn for including this in a tribute to Brian. I don't know who you are, but thank you. ) Brian was a beautiful soul inside and out, but he just never saw it. He never knew how many lives he touched in his short 23 years on this earth. He is missed, loved and never forgotten. On May 30th 2004 sometime in the early morning hours, Brian quietly left our world for the next. We will never understand why he felt life was just too hard to go on living. Brian was always shy, but as he got older he seemed to blossom. Several weeks before Suicide took his young life he seemed happier than we had ever seen him. We now wonder if it was because he had made his decision and was finally at peace. The truth is we will never really know for sure what our precious son went through on that night, what torment and pain he felt. Was he scared? Did he cry? What was going through his mind? He did not leave a note, he just simply left. So many young people feel the way Brian did and they don't tell the people that love them the most in the world and would do anything to help. Why? Because more than likely they are embarrassed and want to try to handle it on their own. Brian did not need to feel embarrassed, we loved him, we still love him and would have moved heaven and earth to save him. This website is dedicated to our precious son with the beautiful smile that would light up a room. Thank you for taking the time to visit. If you or someone you know is suffering from depression or having thoughts of suicide, please don't wait, seek help immediately by calling 2-1-1. MEMORIES If we could have a lifetime wish A dream that would come true, We'd pray to God with all our hearts For yesterday and You. A thousand words can't bring you back We know because we've tried... Neither will a thousand tears We know because we've cried... You left behind our broken hearts And happy memories too... But we never wanted memories We only wanted You. Remember Every Memory is unique, so make lots of them!      WE REMEMBER Him At the rising of the sun and at its going down We remember him. At the blowing of the wind and the chill of winter We remember him. At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring We remember him. At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer We remember him. At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn We remember him. At the beginning of the year and when it ends We remember him. As long as we live, he too will live; for he is now a part of us, as we remember him. When we are weary and in need of strength We remember him. When we are lost and sick at heart We remember him. When we have joy we crave to share We remember him. When we have decisions that are difficult to make We remember him. When we have achievements that are based on his we remember him. As long as we live, he will live; for he is now a part of us, as we remember him. Brian was the middle child of three boys. Having three boys was a handful somtimes and a joy at the same time. They were close growing up. When the boys were younger they played together all of the time. As they grew older they shared a lot of the same friends and all hung out together. We use to have boys out in the front of the house playing hacky sack for hours, or in our back yard playing basketball. One of the homes we moved to when Brian was 15 had a nice fire pit in the back yard and many nights that is where you would find them and their friends, sitting around the fire. One night one of their freinds threw a dried out Christmas tree into the fire, it sounded like an explosion! We looked out the window to see flames shooting up into the trees and boys running from the yard! Our house always smelled like smoke in the summer but, that was okay. We liked knowing that the boys were safe in their own back yard. If only we had the power to always keep them safe from harm..... For summer vacations we would take the boys camping. Brian was always the first one down to the lake with his fishing pole. We always knew where to find him. He loved to fish even when he was very small. Brian was a loving and caring person that walked to the beat of his own drum. He loved music, video games, basketball and animals. He had a special place in his heart for his dog Sadie and his Cat Sampson (who joined his buddy Brian in heaven in June of 05. Now they are together again.). His favorite band was Tool. When Brian was 15, his Grandma and Grampa Hutchings bought him an electric guitar for Christmas, it was love at first sight! He taught himself to play and play he could! It was almost like he would just get lost in his music, he was in his own world when he played. Eventually, he saved enough money to buy a new guitar. He was so proud of that guitar. His favorite TV show was Ed, Ed & Eddy. He loved to imitate voices. People tell us his voices always made them laugh and their favorite one he did was the "Bell Tire" guy. He had a great sense of humor. He loved his family and his girlfriend, Wendi, with everything he had. Why he felt he could not continue on in this life is something we will never understand. Brian was sometimes his own worst enemy and he didn't need to be. He was in a pain that we did not know or understand. He held his pain in, he didn't let us know that he was suffering. We would have done everything we could to help him if we had only known. He was such a strong and loving young man, happy, with a great sense of humor and loved to make people laugh. We loved him, still love him and will always love him. He is so very missed. Brian was unique, there will never be another like him. The world has lost a gentle soul. Rest well our precious son, be happy and without any pain. We will be together again and until that day we will carry you in our hearts. .............and the heavens will bless not those stars that shine the longest but, rather those that shine the brightest.............. Shine on baby  Please let us know you were here by lighting a candle or paying tribute to Brian before you leave. It means so much to us to know that you were here. Thank you. To visit Brian's cousin Brady who joined him in heaven in 2005 please go to: brady-hutchings.memory-of.com To visit Brian's grandmother who joined her grandson in 2006 please go to: http://jeannette-hutchings-reed.memory-of.com/photos.aspx Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take- but by the moments that take our breath away. When I come to the end of my journey
and I travel my last weary mile, just forget, if you can, that I ever frowned and remember only the smile. Forget unkind words I have spoken; remember some good I have done. Forget that I've stumbled and blundered and sometimes fell by the way. Remember I have fought some hard battles and won, ere the close of the day. Then forget to grieve for my going; I would not have you sad for a day, but in summer just gather some flowers and remember the place where I lay, and come in the shade of the evening when the sun paints the sky in the west. Stand for a few moments beside me and remember only my best. -- Author unknown Love, not time, heals all wounds. |
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Tributes and Condolences
| Bring the memories home by publishing your online memorial as a genuine hardcover keepsake |
| This memorial website was created by Tim &. Cheri Street on 02/26/2005.
click here to contact Tim &. Cheri |
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| The hosting of this website is sponsored by Cheri Street | ||||||||||
| Memory-of.com made a donation to Teen Lifeline to commemorate the sponsoring of this website. | ||||||||||
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